After a breakup, some of my serial monogamist friends will declare their intentions to be single for a while to reconnect with themselves. This is sometimes viewed as a brave feat, which baffles me since I’ve lived a great life despite being single forever. There should be a “Stay Single in September” fundraiser for people who think it’s a challenge. Instagram would be filled with daily updates on their novel single life: “Day 10: I’m drinking cosmos like Carrie Bradshaw! Sponsor me to Stay Single in September!”
Serial monogamists seem to have complete control over the length of time they are single (usually no more than 6 months), because once they decide they’re ready for a relationship, a new partner will magically appear. I don’t even know what being “ready for a relationship” looks like, because how does that explain all the single people who have been wholeheartedly looking for love for years without luck? My serial monogamist friend Marc believes that being “relationship ready” means opening your heart, manifesting the right partner and staying optimistic. I’m not satisfied with this explanation. I think I’ll be ready for a relationship once I transform into Zoe Kravitz so I can have my pick of men. Spare me the conflicting “you’ll find love when you’re not looking/least expect it” theory. I’ve spent most of my adult life not looking.
To serial monogamists, finding a relationship is as simple as ordering pizza on UberEATS when the craving strikes. They make a quick decision on their order, which will always be delivered on time with all the toppings in place. On the other hand, perpetual singles may spend hours indecisively scrolling through UberEATS. By the time we decide on a pizza, the restaurant will be closed. We’re left with the option to go without pizza or settle for 24-hour Domino’s (if you love yourself, don’t go for Domino’s).
It has always perplexed me why relationships come easier to some. Perhaps perpetual singles emit a foul odour that only our crushes can smell, ruining our chances in love. Yup, that’s the only logical reason.
If getting into a relationship simply requires a decision to be ready for one, does that mean serial monogamists simply have stronger intent? (Apologies for the Carrie Bradshaw sentence structure.) How does this explain my perpetually single friends who desire marriage and kids? A few factors come into play: where you sit on the desirability hierarchy, your attachment style, your balance of pickiness and compromise, and your relationship skills. Each of these factors will be explored in separate posts.